I am almost certain that my kid has a future as a comedian. I have countless anecdotes I can share that proves this point, but I only have the recent ones because these are the only ones I remember:
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She bolted out one afternoon while we were driving home that to earn money for the summer, she would start babysitting stuffed animals. And then she laughed.
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Just the other day, she saw me tinkering with my iChat account with a custom status, instead of the canned “Available” when online. My custom status then read:
“If you ask me about work, I will stab your left eye over the internets.”
She asked me if she can change that to something “better.” I told her to knock herself out while I do something else.
When I went back to the computer 10 minutes later, I see my custom status now read:
“Please don’t ask me about work. I am busy gaining weight.”
Later that day, I saw my custom status change yet again to:
“Hi. Go away.”
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Just this morning, we were eating at a restaurant with a family friend who’s bald.
My Kid: You are thinning.
Friend: Really? I am losing weight?
My Kid: Well, not really. That’s just my nice way of saying you’re bald.
Only my kid can pull that off without offending anyone. He laughed and told my wife about it. My wife explained to my kid that the reason he’s bald is because he shaves his head. Then the conversation went further.
Friend: Do you want me to shave your head, too?
My Kid: No, thanks. I don’t want to look like Britney Spears!
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